Anxiety is a joke

Anxiety is a joke.

If there is one thing, I hate talking about the most in this world that’s anxiety. Talking about anxiety gives me anxiety. Sometimes it bubbles inside and morphs into depression. Both are equally terrifying. I’d rather stare at a wall for hours then tell someone what’s going on in my head. It’s like a war zone in there.

I would prefer explaining quantum mechanics to a middle schooler than explaining anxiety to an adult. Yes, I know it’s in my head, and I swear if I could take a tweezer and yank it out of my brain I wouldn’t think twice. But sadly, that’s not something I can do.

This is how anxiety feels.

  • It’s raining on you while the sun is shining on everyone else, and the worst part is that you have an umbrella, but it has holes in it.
  • You’re drowning and so is everyone else, but they know how to swim, and you don’t.
  • Your heart beats so fast that you’re sure it’s faster than the speed of light.
  • That headache that slithers into your mind is so bad that all you want to do is lie under the covers and hibernate like bears do.
  • You feel useless and you don’t understand what is the point of fighting or putting in the effort.
  • You become as sweaty as an athlete that ran a marathon.
  • You can’t focus or think or do anything that you’re supposed to.
  • It’s like you have another something living in your head that’s very mean and rude.
  • Even the smallest things like getting out of bed requires as much energy as you would need to break an atom.
  • You’re blessed and you have everything, but you don’t understand why you feel this way and that makes you feel guilty which causes more anxiety. And thus, the cycle repeats.
  • The worst part of having anxiety is you’re afraid to live. Even memories that are supposed to be cute and jolly turn into nightmares.

But Alhamdulillah, I much better now. Sometimes, I find myself drowning in the same waters, but I manage to pull myself through. It’s not easy especially when your mind becomes your biggest enemy. But that’s the thing, you can’t submit to those negative thoughts building in your mind no matter how strong they are. Remember you’re stronger. You’re bigger than all your fears.

16 thoughts on “Anxiety is a joke

  1. Thanks for your sharing….your post is so relatable….even feeling down could have similar pattern….like the inner pain….the last 2 lines are difficult but not impossible….

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Yes, it is a mind game. I always used to think of it as a mean old man stomping about in my brain with hob nail boots saying “No!, No!, No!” any time I almost felt happy. Then I put an identity to the man and worked on taking away his power. It was a hard slug. I still get overwhelmed and those times I feel the way my aunt described when she was at a telephone transfer station duringWW2. She completely lost it and pulled out all the plugs, disconnecting everyone. But when I feel it coming on, I try to stop it by breathing deep and focusing on something positive. It is HARD. So glad you are kicking its butt! XX

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I do that too now…. the mean voice in my head is much quieter now… it’s there but it’s very dim… but it’s okay buddy, we gotta keep pushing!

      Like

  3. We are on the same phase, like one foot in one foot out but we are trying hard!

    “You’re blessed and you have everything, but you don’t understand why you feel this way and that makes you feel guilty which causes more anxiety. And thus, the cycle repeats.”

    This one esp i still have it although i’m somewhat better with the rest but it’s not as strong but like when i get it i’m like “there we go again” but instead of listening to it i just do sth i like although it’s there and it’s the winner almost all of the time but trying to dodge it instead of staying there looping it is better than before at least …

    Great one Aishati~ 💖🙈

    Liked by 1 person

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